Have you ever thought about how you choose a doctor, lawyer, therapist or even a dentist? Of course we all care that our doctors and lawyers are competent. What else is important to you? Do you care about the personal commitment of the professionals with whom you work or their level of interest in their… Read More »
People have a powerful ability to adapt to adversity. Frequently, people come to my office in Westchester and tell me stories about the deterioration of their marriages. As I they tell and I listen to their stories, I can sometimes see on their faces the realization of how bad it really is for them and… Read More »
Even when we are hurt, angry, sad and confused many of us try to find an honest and authentic voice with which to speak to our husbands and wives or partners as we struggle through separation and divorce. There are two really interesting things about this reflection. One is simply that we do often try… Read More »
People getting divorced generally do not want to destroy their lives. In fact, people who chose divorce often do so to improve the quality of their life, not extinguish any satisfaction and joy they may have. Of course, this is not always the case and even people who chose to end their marriages often have… Read More »
In the Prologue to her book The Dance of Connection, Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. writes of a story she had heard: Two little kids in a sandbox with their pails and shovels. Suddenly a huge fight breaks out and one of them runs away screaming, “I hate you! I hate you!” In a few minutes, they… Read More »
Divorce is a painful experience. People going through divorce feel vulnerable and they very often feel shame. Think about the language we use around divorce . . . “failed marriage” . . . “broken family” . . . these are words that imply that we have done something wrong if we or our partners choose… Read More »
A colleague of mine recently sent me an article that estimated approximately one half of all marriages in this country end in divorce and another one-forth of couples remain unhappily married because they assess their misery as less difficult to bear than the process and effects of divorce. That struck a cord for me because… Read More »
Dick Cavett once said, “It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear.” My experience goes further, sometimes people simply don’t hear what they don’t want to hear or do hear what they expected to hear. Why is it important to hear, even when what is being spoken is not… Read More »
Divorce does not have to be destructive. Even though divorce is painful and difficult, it does not have to destroy your children or your finances if you and your spouse are willing and able to work together to try to find a solution that works for both of you and your children. Recently, I have… Read More »
Earlier this week a colleague of mine mentioned that she was just coming from bankruptcy court. She said she thought 85% of the people there have suffered a divorce disaster and are dealing with the repercussions in bankruptcy. Wow. Could that be true? Even if the statistic is less than 85%, the fact that so… Read More »
