When I got divorced well over a decade ago, my children were both under the age of ten. My youngest child of the marriage recently turned 18. We celebrated the day for her as we always do but something important happened for her father and me as well. My ex husband and I… Read More »
I had been a divorce litigator for 10 years when I faced divorce myself. At the time, I was spending a lot of time in the courtroom on behalf of my clients. Suffice it to say that I was very familiar with how things worked in the litigation system. I had two young children then… Read More »
I frequently meet with new clients shortly after they or their spouse have revealed or discovered an affair. This is always a painful situation for everyone involved. Emotions run high. Commonly, anger, hurt, grief on are felt one hand. Guilt, shame, anger and relief on the other. People are unmoored from the presumptions of… Read More »
Have you ever thought about how you choose a doctor, lawyer, therapist or even a dentist? Of course we all care that our doctors and lawyers are competent. What else is important to you? Do you care about the personal commitment of the professionals with whom you work or their level of interest in their… Read More »
People have a powerful ability to adapt to adversity. Frequently, people come to my office in Westchester and tell me stories about the deterioration of their marriages. As I they tell and I listen to their stories, I can sometimes see on their faces the realization of how bad it really is for them and… Read More »
Even when we are hurt, angry, sad and confused many of us try to find an honest and authentic voice with which to speak to our husbands and wives or partners as we struggle through separation and divorce. There are two really interesting things about this reflection. One is simply that we do often try… Read More »
People getting divorced generally do not want to destroy their lives. In fact, people who chose divorce often do so to improve the quality of their life, not extinguish any satisfaction and joy they may have. Of course, this is not always the case and even people who chose to end their marriages often have… Read More »
In the Prologue to her book The Dance of Connection, Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. writes of a story she had heard: Two little kids in a sandbox with their pails and shovels. Suddenly a huge fight breaks out and one of them runs away screaming, “I hate you! I hate you!” In a few minutes, they… Read More »
Divorce is a painful experience. People going through divorce feel vulnerable and they very often feel shame. Think about the language we use around divorce . . . “failed marriage” . . . “broken family” . . . these are words that imply that we have done something wrong if we or our partners choose… Read More »
A colleague of mine recently sent me an article that estimated approximately one half of all marriages in this country end in divorce and another one-forth of couples remain unhappily married because they assess their misery as less difficult to bear than the process and effects of divorce. That struck a cord for me because… Read More »
